I'll see your bronchitis and raise you a costochondritis...

I know you all wait with bated breath to see what my excuse for not posting is this month. Well, I won't keep you waiting. I've been sick.
"Oh, Pollywog" you say "Did you have cough due to cold that might have laid you up for a week?"
Oh, if only it had been that easy. Nope, this Friday will be 5 weeks of feeling under the weather. 5 freakin weeks.
So, I had a sore throat and little cold. No big deal. Started to get better but then got much worse with the addition of a hacking cough. Went to the doctor and the doctor said "No more monkeys jumping on the bed." No, not really. The doctor said "Most likely bronchitis. Here are some antibiotics." Okay. Sounds simple enough.
Took the pills. Nothing. Still hacked for a week or two more. Then last Friday, a sharp pain starts in my chest. I think I have "popped" a rib. "Pollywog, what the hell does that mean?" you ask. Well, several years ago, I had bronchitis and this same sort of thing, just with a different rib and the doctor said that the ribs that aren't attached to the sternum are attached to a thin strip of cartilage and that I had coughed so hard that one of those ribs had become unattached. I figured I had done that again.
So after 4 weeks of coughing and a new searing pain in my chest and a realization that I JUST CAN'T BREATHE, I go back to the doctor. She takes several x-rays, sees nothing and proceeds to start poking me in the chest right where it hurts. I wince and whimper and she says (and I quote) "Oooooooohhhh, that's costochondritis!" Oh. Of course. Costochondritis. Why didn't I self-diagnose that one? It is so obvious with a bit of chest poking.
What is costochondritis? Glad you asked cuz I had to look it up too. It is "an inflammation of the cartilage that connects a rib to the breastbone (sternum). It causes sharp pain in the costosternal joint — where your ribs and breastbone are joined by rubbery cartilage. Pain caused by costochondritis may mimic that of a heart attack or other heart conditions. " So, as you can see, nothing serious. JUST THE CONSTANT FEELING THAT I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK! It only really hurts when I, say, breathe or something silly like that. Coughing is an experiment in horror. And sneezing? Good God, no. Won't happen. Would rather cut my nose off. And talking apparently causes coughing which if you were paying attention equates with hell. So, I'm basically worthless as a human being. And, of course, it's viral. Nothing to be done.
Actually, she gave me a shot of anti-inflammitory in the keister and a prescription for Naproxen but "prescription strength" and I think "Great, this has got to be good stuff" but it turns out I'm taking a whoppin' 60 mg more than I would if I took two Aleve. She did, however, give me Vicodin.
So, that's it. The reason I didn't post. Feel like doody caa-caa.
Enough about me. How are you?