So, Boyfriend and I have a new wifi connection and it's all speedy-speedy. What is the first thing I do with a fasty connection? Well, first I found a YouTube of Christopher Walken reading The Raven but shortly after that, I watched a video of Morrissey's There is a Light that Never Goes Out. Every time I hear this song or anything by the Smiths or the Cure, I think of this feeling I had when I was a teenager. I'm not experiencing the feeling, mind you, just remembering it. Couldn't begin to tell you what the feeling was. A tingling, a hum, an energy. A state of being. An awareness of the vastness of the universe. Maybe, just maybe, and it fucking kills me to say this, maybe it was only the feeling of potential. The idea that maybe I would be killed by a ten-ton truck and maybe I would feel privileged to die next to a particular someone. Maybe my life would be tragic and heroic and memorable and...big.
All I know is that I can't get the feeling now and when I try, I feel borders, edges, walls. A definite sense of confined space.
I never thought I'd be one of these women, but oh how I mourn the loss of my youth.
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4 comments:
Does somebody need a hug?
Yes, yes I do.
Actually, you are just using it for an opportunity to cop a feel.
Bradi wants me.
I'm okay with my youth left behind. But, since you knew me most of my youth, you know my youth was pretty shitty.
I have more pent up energy now than I did then. The problem with being old and energetic is directing it while trying to not be flat out exhausted.
We just had more energy back then...
So is that a yes?
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